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hope
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lack of understanding(not their fault, however) - 2007/05/21 04:05 My sister, a lawyer, does not "buy" the disease model, and, in addition, does not believe that health care professionals have unique recovery needs. Today she asked me if when I relapsed(in Nov after a 2 year recovery period and brought HUGE consequences) if I thought about my children or pictured their faces when I reached for my drug of choice. She is essentially pointing out(AS IF I DID NOT KNOW) that at that moment in time I valued my drug more than my children. I don't know how to explain the compulsion or selfish lack of thought to her. Any suggestions? Please help!

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clinspec

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Re:lack of understanding(not their fault, however) - 2007/05/21 18:44 A family member, or friend for that matter, may love you and care about you but that doesn't mean they know what's best for you. Ignorance is ignorance regardless of who you are. Education is the key, but you cannot make someone learn and understand if they don't want to. You should concentrate on what you can do to make your life better.

It's so important to have a group of people around you who can empathize with you. Stay involved with your meetings and do the next right thing.

Sometimes your friends are your best family.

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hope
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Re:lack of understanding(not their fault, however) - 2007/05/22 08:21 Thank you...you are right.[img size=150]

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bug lady

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Re:lack of understanding(not their fault, however) - 2007/09/08 15:47 I completely understand. I bought the "recovery book" for my mother and to a meeting with me. She's better but still not quite there.

Your sister in-law obviously doesn't understand. If its not an illness why does insurance pay for treatment? Why does it run in families like heart disease and diabetes? Most importantly where is her medical degree. She can live in the dark thinking as she does or come into the light because if she is your brothers wife, her children are at risk.

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Annie

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Re:lack of understanding(not their fault, however) - 2007/12/08 02:57 I have been in recovery for many years and still have family members who just don't get it. Many take the 'moral model' to addiction stance when they really have no clue. I suspect you are being harder on yourself than anyone else. Surround yourself with those who do understand and love you. Take care of yourself and know that each day you are doing the best you can for that day...and that is enough.

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Jaded

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Re:lack of understanding(not their fault, however) - 2008/11/22 16:55 Lack of education equals ignorance...it is up to our families and friends to educate themselves regarding our disease while we recovering addicts should strictly focus on our sobriety. So, you honestly should not feel an obligation to explain this to her or anyone for that matter. My addiction has been at full throttle for nine years and my family has came a long way in the area of understanding. In the begining however negative comments and questions were fired at me without limitation all because they had the sightest idea about the disease I have. The comments you mentioned on your post from your sister were also made to me at one point or another. First, healthcare providers do require unique methods of treatment d/t our constant exposure to the demons that drive our disease...(having an alcoholic work in a brewary). The second comment, she could never understand this process unless she would experience it for herself..In no way do we have any power over our actions during active addiction..(I think of it as riding in a car, my demons have control of the wheel and Im only along for the ride). I too have two children and while actively abusing selfishness consumed my entire being, I loved my boys yet had a love stronger than anything Ive ever known "drugs"..I know toward the end of my active use I did see the faces of my boys when I spent money they needed or wasnt there when they needed me instead somewhere chasing that feeling of invinsibility... I remember saying to myself,"I should not do this, it is not the right thing, they are and will suffer"...yet having NO control of preventing it from continuing. Feelings of guilt remained consuming my soul and that is the most terrifying experience Ive ever encountered to watch everything I love crumble around me conciously knowing my need for drugs was the cause and physically and mentally unable to prevent it or even slow it down...General people w/o education on addiction are in no way capable of consuming this information and understanding it. So dont allow her ignorance to have an impact on your feelings...simply tell her she must first educate herself about your disease before she would even be partially able to comprehend the explanations of your actions.

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